Christmas… the time of year when we stay at home, spend time with our family, do good deeds, and, let’s face it, try to survive the after-dinner banter at the table. There are all kinds of after-dinner conversations: noisy, boring, absurd, tense… but they all share one thing: they’re never-ending.
So, to help you survive the after-dinner chitchat common to this season, we’ve come up with a list of jokes that may help to tone down the atmosphere and make your loved ones chortle:
For starters, here are some one-liners to break the ice with:
– My brother’s been riding a bike since he was 3.
– Wow, he must have gone pretty far by now!
– Me and Carlos were going to…
– No son… “Carlos and I were going”
– How do you mean? What happened to me then?
A man goes to visit a seer and knocks on the door:
– Knock knock.
– Who is it?
– Not much of a seer, are you?
Since it’s dinner time, here’s this one: “How does Batman’s mother call him to dinner? [To the tune of 1960’s theme] Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman!!!”.
Or we can resort to the classic jokes that begin with the famous, “Do you know the one about…?” Here’s one we like:
”Do you know the one about two guys sitting around and one says to the other: -Do you know what the people of San Sebastian are called?” -“Well, not all of them, no…”
And on a final note, here’s another classic that’s particularly apt for when you’re going to visit your in-laws for the first time on Christmas Eve: “
– Hi, how are you? Nervous?
– Yes, a little…
– Is this your first time?
– No, I’ve been nervous before…”
As we know, at all family gatherings there’s always someone who starts telling jokes, most of them terrible. So our advice is that you start telling your jokes first: with a bit of luck you’ll impress the family jokester and he won’t dare start telling his own. And if you’re not big on jokes, you’d better start practising your fake laughter…
We’ll leave you so you can start working on your jokes. Or your fake laugh.